Big Decisions

September 26, 2016

I want to republish my second novel. That’s my big decision and as expected, I’m scared out of my mind. I’m even more scared than when I published it the first time. It’s because this time I’m taking everything into my own hands. Currently I’m a self-published author through Xlibris but it’s not really working for me. I want to go in another route. The trouble is I’m at a crossroad and can’t decide which way to take.

            I’m thinking of either republish the story as an indie author. That’s probably the safest route but my ambitious side is also pulling at me. Or to try a shot at traditional publishing. I want to try to get my book published at a publishing company. That’s the scariest route because going that way means I have to prepare myself for rejection – probably dozens of them.

            The bottom of it is that I want to republish. I’ve already written the sequel to the book I want to republish but I don’t want to share it or even look at it until I have everything in order for the first one. That book is very special to me and I hold it close to my heart which is why I want to give it a chance to be as successful as it can be. Right now that’s not happening. I wouldn’t say it’s because of the company I chose but they certainly didn’t help it, though.

            My first two books were published prematurely. I was fresh out of high school and I wanted to do something during my semester off before going to college so I wrote my first book. I published the first draft without even a second glance. Then I started on my second one – Behind every mean girl…there’s a tragedy – as soon as the first one was out. For my second one, I did stop and try to edit it myself but I knew it wasn’t the best when I sent it in for publishing.

            I started to do giveaways and receiving some review and the one thing that kept coming back, about my second book especially, was that it was a work with potential but everyone could tell it wasn’t thoroughly edited and revised. My reviews were filled with “I love that storyline but the grammar made me want to throw it in the trashcan.” I got to say they hurt a little but they weren’t unpredictable. I knew I wasn’t going to get great reviews and after a couple of heavy sighs, I was okay with the reviews. I went back to the book and that was when I truly felt connected to my own writing and decided to write a sequel – Behind every scared girl…there’s a monster.

            As soon as I finished the sequel, I knew I couldn’t publish it until I changed the first. I also knew that that was the first story that gave readers out there a view of what type of writer is hiding inside of me. I wanted to share it with others. Despite the dark theme in the two books, they made me the happiest because I have a strong emotional connection to them. Those two books are one of the few writing pieces that I have that made me cry and laugh my heart out.

            So I’ve started the long road. I’ve started to edit the book I want to publish and I’m excited to say that I’m almost there to actually starting to seek beta readers and the service of a professional editor. I’m feeling good even though I don’t know what the future hold for my precious books.

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